1. What do you want to accomplish? Most people seek counseling services because they are dissatisfied with the way their life is developing. some people notice uncomfortable emotions, excessive sadness, anger, fear or quilt. Others first notice behaviors such as over eating, substance abuse, sleeplessness, broken relationships, lost jobs. The list can contain almost any behavior that is disturbing to oneself or to other people. The disturbing thoughts is the third problem area. Disturbing thoughts may include ideas about hurting oneself, hurting others, being worthless, being superior. Feelings, behavior and thoughts are the three parts of personality. Everyone is entitled to find satisfaction in all three areas well over half the time. If you are not satisfied 75% of the time counseling can open new options for you.
A small per cent of the population is eager to reach new levels of satisfaction which might include learning to relax and enjoy life, learning to be more effective at work, raising children, making friends, or exploring new options. Sometimes these services are referred to as coaching instead of counseling.
2. What conditions promote a successful counseling experience? Counseling is most effective when it is entered into voluntarily. A counselor helps you pay attention to parts of your personality that you ignor. What you are willing to share along with the counselor's ability to listen carefully and be respectful of you determines to a great extent the outcome of counseling.
Another determining factor is the extent of damage you suffered in childhood. This is often difficult to determine early in the counseling process. Children normally think bigger, older people are correct and therefore may not realize that childhood experiences were harmful. Sometimes the person who raised the child (now client) tried their very best and the client tries to be protective. It is important to realize that counseling is not blaming but looking for new ways to live life with more satisfaction.
3. How do you evaluate a counselor's training and experience. Over twenty years ago there was a massive study done to assess competency in psychotherapy. That study showed there was less difference between the various degrees- psychology, medicine, social work, ministry that comprise the bulk of counselors than in approach.
The single most important skill is the ability to listen to the client. Included in this skill of listening is the ability to help the client hear the depth of feelings, thoughts, and consequences of behavior in his or her communication. This ability to listen carefully is often enhanced when the counselor's own training includes personal growth and therapy. Counselors who are attuned to the "growing edge" of a client will lead the client gently toward new understandings. Your best evaluation is the sense of being understood.
An important part of counseling is the counselor's ability to understand the stages of development that people go through from birth until old age. This means you usually want a counselor your age or older. It is difficult for a counselor to guide you very far beyond his or her own growth and development. Of course age by itself does not mean a counselor can guide you. The counselor needs to be open to personal growth.
4. What about cost? Cost is an important consideration but difficult to assess. Most people find the cost of counseling is repaid through increased self satisfaction and sometimes in more satisfying employment. Ask questions. Is cost kept low because services are limited and short term, which is OK if you have limited goals. Deep and lasting changes take time. There is no erase function for the brain.
When I was training counselors, persons who worked in agencies reported that they could not give effective treatment to the thirty client hours that the agency expected of them each week. By the time reports, meetings, continuing education, holidays and vacation were subtracted productive time was reduced to 20 to 25 hours a week. This means to make $60,000 after expenses a counselor needs to average about $75 an hour.
Usually there is no rush. A week. a month even a couple of months will not disturb the counseling process.
There are two important exceptions. If you are planning to do physical harm to yourself or others get help immediately. Killing yourself or others is not a solution. Very early in my career I had a client whose father thought he would be doing everyone a favor by killing himself. His death devastated my client for many years. There is nothing anyone can do that is as destructive as killing oneself or another person.
The other time when counseling needs to be undertaken quickly is when a person experiences trauma. Trauma counseling can significantly reduce the need for counseling in the future. Persons who experience deep trauma from being attacked, raped, sudden loses, any acute trauma should talk out the problem within days. Serious long term problems can be averted by quickly seeking brief trauma counseling. This is also true for police, fire fighters, medical personnel who are first responders to trauma.
Usually not. The difference is usually in the ability of the counselor to be flexible to the needs of the client and to communicate clearly so that the client understands.
Some counseling theories, like transactional analysis, are effective for both immediate and long term goals. That means you can start with small goals and move on to larger goals without needing to find a new counselor. Short term counseling is often referred to as supportive counseling or behavioral change counseling. More significant changes are referred to as depth counseling. Finding a counselor who does both supportive and depth counseling can be cost effective since it increases your options.